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Late at night
once again my thoughts go back to a grey place.
There, doubts walk around
as if they felt at home,
looking at me
with their akward crystal eyes.

For now, deep inside my heart,
I wonder where my path to happiness is heading.
If I am with the right person
- that is something I could not bet.

For now I feel lost and helpless.
Left behind in the ruins of the city,
a devastated place where life is nowhere to be found.

Life and love.
I need both for my survival.

Light and love.
I want both for my survival.

In my deepest night
no fear is close to me
and yet,
no joy sits by me.

Let you, angels from Heaven,
guide my soul to the truth.
For I am only God's humble servant
and I am certain
I deserve joy, peace and love.

Right or wrong?

In the waiting room of my lonelyness
the question arises in me.
Am I doing right?
Am I doing wrong?
Should I let myself go?
What am I waiting for?

Go with the flow was I once told.
If this is what it meant
I wonder where this flow will take me.

In my everyday life.

At home after a couple of intense trips
I ask the Lord about my daily routine.

Money is no obstacle for me
and still I have the feeling that I should do something
with my everyday life.

Going on with the career I've followed so far
is the first option.
Wether that will make me satisfied
is a difficult-to-answer doubt.

Heading to the path of creativity
with photo-shooting and modelling
is something brand new.
Interesting, motivating,
how can I start my career?

I want to focus my effort in God,
letting Him guide me
with his wisdom and his love
towards my future career.
I fear nothing,
I am certain the Lord will be my light along the way.

How I can develop my spiritual self
is another doubt.
Books, people, experiences?
I have no clue as to where I have to look to.
Probable the most sensible is to keep walking,
as the advertisement goes,
not worrying much about anything,
letting life get further and further.

Probably I am just too controlling
and life wants to surprise me!

Four months have passed by since I left my job.
Hundreds of good moments have taken place.
Many more await to occur.
In the meantime,
I pray to You, oh Lord,
let my prayer be heard.
You, who make the sun rise from the East,
have mercy on your son,
who loves you,
and don't ever leave me alone.
For you are my strength,
only you, my Lord,
it is to you that I look in the time of sadness.

Your word goes:
Fear nothing!
You are about to make big things.
Trust me
and you will not be deceived.

The blessing of the Lord
on you, my son,
now and forever.

Back to everyday life.

Three weeks after
a wonderful trip to the Land that had been Promised
my future makes a step ahead
and asks about my plans.

Plans?
I have more than enough doing my best to survive
my everyday life.

A job?
Please tell me what way I should follow,
where I belong,
and I will listen to you.

I trust you, my Lord.
I know you will never leave me alone.
I trust you, my Almight Father,
I know you will always be by my side.
I trust you, Creator of the Universe,
everything is going to be all right.

You will send me your messnegers.
Your Word will come to me
and I will listen to it carefully.

Let my ears be open and my heart be ready
for your Word, for your Will.
And make me strong
to take the righteous way
and
take me to the place where I belong.

Because I believe,
let this prayer arrive to You
and may the Lord of the World
have pity on His humble son.

Because you love me and I love you,
let my words fly up to Heaven
and may your Will occur here, on earth.

Be blessed now and forever.

Akaiah.

In the centre of the world it is 2:10 AM.

I feel tired.

Both my mind and my soul say STOP and rest.

After two bad experiences today and lots of energy put into a new person i just want to sleep and take my time to relax and to forget... Forget about what brought me here, about my lack of expectations regarding this trip, forget about.......... myself?

I feel lost. I feel unprotected. I feel bad.

Even his love cannot bring me a smile.

If the solution is a return to my land before I had expected, I am wide open to it. After all, money is not important.

My happiness IS important. My light IS important. The love I can receive from God IS important. Peace in the world IS important. But how am I supposed to give you peace if I have not got it in my heart? How am I supposed to be somebody's guide if I feel unbalanced?

Go with flow, go with flow, go with the flow. Up to seven times I have written it down today. Up to seventy-seven times I do not go with the flow. Up to seven hundred and seventy-seven times will God be there to tell me to go with the flow.

And I shall trust God and I shall go with the flow and let love be my guide.

Peace be with you!

You, my Lord, are always nearby.
And your paths are a mistery to us.

I ask the Lord, my Father:
Where are you?

And you will answer:
Look into your heart.
Can you feel it?
You can see the white light within you.
Go for it!
Go and become the white light!

For you, my son,
descendant of the 12 Tribes of Israel,
you have to become the New Son of the Lord.

Let my voice be cried out in the desert.

The voice says:
Open up you hearts to the Lord!
His day is near.

It is indeed the voice that cries out in the desert.
"Prepare the way for the Lord".

The day is coming
when young and old shall join in one,
when man and woman shall become only one,
when all humans shall be happy again,
as in the beginning,
and everybody shall shine
in the peace of the Lord,
God od Israel and all the peoples on earth,
with a white, pure light.

That day
the History of Mankind will be put to an end
in the way we know it nowadays
and a bran new era shall start.

The time of joy, peace and love is coming.

Open up your heart to your inner light,
to your inner divinity,
and let God's love
be your guide.

Amen.